


i'm not even half as pretty

by fiercewings



Category: Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Killing Game (Dangan Ronpa), Angst, Highschool AU, I don't know, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Soda Kazuichi-Centric, i guess, is it an AU if theyre already in highschool
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-15
Updated: 2020-10-07
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:27:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25912084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fiercewings/pseuds/fiercewings
Summary: souda gay hajime not
Relationships: Hinata Hajime/Chiaki Nanami (for like a second), Hinata Hajime/Soda Kazuichi
Comments: 11
Kudos: 105





	1. Chapter 1

It was well known amongst their friend group they had formed that Kazuichi Souda had a strong crush on Sonia Nevermind. It was something that was made known daily, whether it be by comments made by him or him staring at her for a bit too long.

Except, he didn't. At least, not anymore. Originally, he did like her. Even though she didn't return those kind of feelings and regularly made an effort to ignore him, she was the ideal dream girl. To every boy except himself.

Being forced into a heterosexual mindset by his own father's lectures and many other things forced him to think that he had to like someone like her. She was beautiful, of course she was. Long, blonde hair and blue eyes that were difficult not to get lost into. Not to mention, her personality was great as well. She was sweet, smart, polite - she was everything a man should want.

But, Souda didn't want her. Sure, he still kept up the act of having a crush on her - he had to. Yet, he didn't stare at her for as long. Didn't talk to her as much. And all of this was because he was too busy with his eyes on someone else.

Enter Hajime Hinata. An ordinary boy, yet extraordinary to Souda. Whenever the two became friends, Souda instantly latched onto Hajime, labeling the pair of them as soul friends. And, well, it stuck - which, to Souda, was surprising. Nothing like this ever stuck. No one ever stuck around long enough. But, Hajime did. Hajime was there whenever he needed him, Hajime laughed at his stupid, shitty jokes, Hajime was.... Hajime was the one.

Halfway through final year in school, and it finally dawned on him. He didn't want some perfect, blonde princess that he forced himself to think he wanted. He never did. He wanted his best friend, his soul friend. Yet, he knew he couldn't have them. No, he couldn't. If he were to ever reveal those feelings, those type of feelings to Hajime, Hajime would tell everyone and then abandon him. They couldn't be friends then, because everything would be awkward and weird and everyone would know the truth, a truth he never wanted to speak about because it was weird.

It wasn't normal for a boy to have these kinds of feelings for another boy.

\---

They're sitting together, it's after school. Final exams are coming up, and they're studying with one another. Distracted, Souda taps his pencil, not wanting do look at any of the material in front of him and instead wanting to look up at Hajime. Instead, he opts to lay his head on the table, slightly crumpling the study papers. "Why don't we take a break?" Hajime, noticing his boredom, chimes in - to which Souda raises his head up, nodding.

"Whaddya wanna do?" Hajime pauses, looking away. There's an expression on his face that screams that he wants to say something, and Souda begins to get false hope for just a moment, until he realizes that it could never be possible even if he wished on every shooting star that passed.

"Actually... I think I need some advice. There's someone I like," Hajime says, even though he's slightly muffling his words because the palm of his hand is pressed to his mouth and he looks away, as if he's embarrassed. Meanwhile, Souda's heart drops to the very pit of his stomach and for just a slight moment, his mouth is agape, and he swears the entire world collapses on top of him. Yet, he can't show this for too long, because Hajime is looking back at him and meekly, he smiles, and Souda smiles too.

"Who'dya like? You gotta tell me now, come on man! Don't leave me on edge!" the pink-haired boy asks, feigning intense interest, leaning in with a cheeky grin on his face.

_Please don't tell me. Please refuse. Please don't say it's anyone else. I can't bear it._

Hajime pauses, smile still on his face, silent as if he's debating whether or not to tell Souda about this secret crush of his. Then a single word, no, a name comes out of his mouth and Souda feels sick, so sick.

"Chiaki."  
  
Souda forces himself to keep up the act of interested, but he must also be supportive as well. "Holy shit, really? I say just tell her how you feel, dude! I'm sure she totally digs you, Hajime." This isn't what he wanted to happen. This shouldn't have happened. But, what reason would he have to suddenly not support Hajime, especially whenever it comes to girls? Hajime has helped him out with the Sonia troubles thus far, why shouldn't he do the same for him?  
  
_Because what you felt for Sonia wasn't there. It wasn't real. You love him. Tell him, before it's too late._  
  
"Maybe I will," Hajime laughs, just further ripping Souda's heart to shreds. His head is spinning. Suddenly, he doesn't wanna be right here, in this chair, with Hajime Hinata, someone who he considers his best friend, someone who he loves, sitting right across from him. Souda digs his nails into his palms without even realizing it, and he can't even look up at him.  
  
_He likes Chiaki._  
  
He knows Hajime and Chiaki hang out often. They've also grown close over the years, and Souda knows he should've noticed it. They're with each other practically most of the time. Suddenly, Souda thinks about if he's ever kept them apart from one another by taking up Hajime's time.  
  
Abruptly, Souda is closing his folders and books, shoving them into his backpack. Hajime looks at him, quirking a brow, confusion written all over his expression. "Hey, where are you going? We still have some studying to do, you know."  
  
"I-I gotta go, really! I just remembered something! Sorry! We can finish this some other time! Good luck with Chiaki!" Souda says, voice frantic as he swings his backpack over his shoulder, clutching the strap. He can't bring himself to even look back at Hajime and wave goodbye as he rushes off with his head hanging low, because he's too scared he'll want to go back and tell him how he really feels if he does.


	2. Chapter 2

Souda lays on his back, staring up at his ceiling. The lights are off, as he told his dad he was going to bed - however, he can't fall asleep no matter how hard he tries. His phone sits on his nightstand, face down. It's buzzed a couple of time, but he ignores it because he can't stop thinking about it all.

_He likes Chiaki.  
_

It's a thought he doesn't want to entertain anymore, but it won't leave his head either; he can't stop thinking about it. 

In an effort to try and distract himself from such thoughts, he blindly reaches over, feeling for his phone, struggling for a few moments until he feels the familiarity of the case on it and picks it up. He turns it on, the sudden brightness of the screen nearly blinding him. In an effort to ease the strain, he turns down the brightness.

Once he's able to actually look at his phone screen, he sees a string of notifications. 

**soul** **bro** : Hey, where did you go? Is everything alright?

 **soul bro** : You rushed off so suddenly

For some time, the messages stopped, as if Hajime was waiting for a reply that didn't come. Then, a few more messages.

 **soul bro** : I think I'm gonna ask Chiaki out tomorrow. Maybe ask her out to a movie or something nice

 **soul bro** : Or do you think the arcade would be better???

 **soul bro** : Since she's into video games and all

Once again, some time had passed between the messages - though, this time, the time that had passed was considerably shorter than last.

 **soul bro** : You must be busy or sleeping or something so I'll leave you alone

 **soul bro** : See you tomorow :)   
  
Souda couldn't help but just stare at his phone, reading over the messages over and over, like something was going to change each time he read over them. But, nothing did, and his heart twisted in his chest whenever he read over one specific one.  
  
_I think I'm gonna ask Chiaki out tomorrow._

_I think I'm gonna ask Chiaki out tomorrow._

_He's gonna ask Chiaki out tomorrow._

_He doesn't like you. He likes Chiaki._

_He likes Chiaki._

He sits up suddenly, heart hammering and anxiety pooling in his stomach. He throws his phone down on his bed, though the messages still remain on the screen, as if they're taunting him. It's hard to breathe. Frantically, he runs his hand through his unkempt, pink hair, gripping it tightly. 

_Breathe, Souda. Come on. Maybe she'll say no. Maybe you have a chance._

Who is he kidding? How could Hajime ever like him? How could anyone ever like him?

It takes him a moment to realize that he's crying. He reaches up, feeling the tears stream down his cheeks, coming down rather fast. He knows how silly he must seem - freaking out this bad, crying over some boy like he's a teenage girl who just got his heart broken.

Some parts of that is right, he reminds himself with a humorless chuckle. 

After a while, the tears dry up and he's calm enough to finally look at his phone again. It's 11 P.M, and he knows he shouldn't be awake but there's so much going through his head that sleep doesn't feel like a viable option right now. He goes through his contacts, deciding he wants to talk to someone else.  
  
He decides on Fuyuhiko. He knows Fuyuhiko can sometimes be awake at this hour, though he'll be irritated at Souda for messaging him. Souda decides he doesn't care much anymore.

 **souda:** hey

 **souda:** u up?

A small bubble appears almost instantly, and he knows Fuyuhiko is typing his reply. He smiles to himself. Of course he's awake. 

**baby face:** wtf do you want

 **baby face:** why the hell are you talking to me rn it's 11 

**baby face:** we have school tomorrow dumbass

Of course there's a string of insults, but Souda is unbothered by it whenever he replies back, his response honest because he can't care right now.

 **souda:** im having a bad nite and i wanted to talk to someone :p

 **souda:** i know ur usually awake so i figured i might as well try 

**baby face:** did something happen

There comes the concerned questioning, and Souda regrets being honest almost immediately. He stares for a bit, until deciding to reply again.

 **souda:** i guess u could say that

 **souda:** heart got broken </3

. . .

 **baby face:** hasn't Sonia rejected you like a million times

 **baby face:** i'm surprised you haven't given that up yet, you stubborn bastard

Souda laughs for a moment, shaking his head. He should've known that Fuyuhiko would've thought it was something to do with Sonia, all things considered.

 **souda:** its not sonia

 **baby face:**???

 **baby face:** wtf do you mean it's not Sonia

 **baby face:** you literally have the biggest crush on her don't you? you're always drooling over her

 **souda:** i havent in a while

 **souda:** i guess u could say i found someone else?

 **souda:** but not rly now bc he likes someone else

 **baby face:** he?

Shit.

Shit.

Shit.

What is he supposed to do? How is he supposed to back out of this now?

His fingers type for him without thinking.

 **souda:** typo

 **souda:** meant she

 **baby face:**???? ok

 **baby face:** who the hell is it then

 **baby face:** i wanna know

 **souda:** she doesnt go to our school

_How smooth, Souda. You've really saved your ass this time._

**baby face:** yeah i fucking doubt that

 **baby face:** will you just tell me? i'm not gonna tell her

Suddenly, he's panicking. Who is he supposed to say? What he is supposed to do? It'd be like a weight off his shoulders to tell someone, just anyone about how he feels towards Hajime, of course it would. But what if they all hate him? What if he's shunned from the group?

...

Fuck it. 

**souda:** hajime?

Unlike before, there's no quick response from Fuyuhiko. He's panicking. Fuyuhiko must be telling everyone. There must be some secret group chat, with all of their friends in it, he must've taken a screenshot of their conversation and sent it to everyone and now they're all laughing at it, they're all laughing at him, they all hate him - 

**baby face:** Hajime isn't a girl

 **baby face:** why were you trying to hide the fact that it was a boy 

What?

 **souda:** i figured youd make fun of me and tell everyone

 **baby face:** dude

 **baby face:** no one gives a shit if you're gay

What.

A single message and there's a heavy weight off of his shoulders. He stares at the message, reading it over, and over, and over.

Maybe too many times, because another one is sent.

 **baby face:** did you go to sleep

 **souda:** no

 **souda:** im just surprised

 **baby face:** how long have you liked him

 **souda:** a long time i think  
  
**souda:** but i just realized it not too long ago  
  
**baby face:** how'd he break your heart?  
  
**souda:** he likes chiaki

 **souda:** i know he didnt do it intentionally but

 **souda:** i dont know

 **souda:** everything hurts man

 **baby face:** why don't you tell him how you feel

 **souda:** hes asking her out

 **souda:** tomorrow

 **souda:** i cant   
  
**souda:** he doesnt even like men  
  
**baby face:** has he told you that  
  
....

Huh?

It was a question that made him really think on it. Had Hajime ever brought up his preferences whenever it came to dating?

Come to think of it, no. He never did. He had never mentioned to Souda whether or not he's into men or women or... anything, for that matter.

 **souda:** no

 **souda:** but he clearly likes women because hes gonna ask chiaki out

 **baby face:** who the hell says he exclusively likes women

 **baby face:** just do it

 **baby face:** if he rejects you then theres your answer

Souda feels nervous just thinking about telling Hajime how he really feels. But all at once, he realizes he may never get the chance to do this ever if he doesn't do it now.

 **souda:** okay

 **souda:** ill do it tomorrow

 **souda:** im gonna go to bed now

 **souda:** goodnight

 **souda:** and thanks

 **baby face:** yeah yeah, sure, whatever  
  
**baby face:** goodnight dumbass


	3. Chapter 3

It's a cold November morning. 

In March, Souda and his class had graduated. Many of them separated from one another, while others still kept in close contact. 

Souda was one who separated himself from his friends after graduation, opting instead to spend his time on mechanics. 

He missed his friends a lot - of course, he did. Occasionally, one of them would shoot him a message asking him how he was, or if he was free. His answers were always the same, never changing.

"Oh, I'm doing fine."

"Can't go out, I'm busy, lol."

Both of which were complete lies. He hadn't been very fine since March. Even though he had told Fuyuhiko he would tell Hajime how he felt, he never did. He chickened out, and Hajime had asked Chiaki out and she said yes, and thus they had begun dating.

Hajime. 

Hajime and him didn't keep in contact much anymore. In fact, they barely talked since they all graduated. Souda hated it, but he couldn't bring himself to send Hajime a message ever because he just wanted to bury those feelings he held for his former friend - correction, former best friend. Sometimes, he'd type out something, but quickly erase it because he knew if he and Hajime started talking again, it'd be like highschool all over again.

They didn't talk for a long time, until one day, late at night, he received some messages from Hajime.

 **hajime:** Hey. :)

 **hajime:** It's been a long time, hasn't it?

 **hajime:** I just wanted to check in, see how you're doing and all. 

**hajime:** Also wanted to know if you're free on Thursday?

For a moment, his heart stopped. 

Hajime not only was talking to him again, but they could hang out.

Alright - keep it casual. Don't screw this up!

Souda waited around five minutes to respond - not wanting to seem overly excited or anything. ( Though, the wide grin on his face that wouldn't go away spoke for itself. )

 **souda:** hey!

 **souda:** it has been forever lol

 **souda:** i'm totally free, what were you thinking?

He drummed his fingers against the table he was sitting at, unable to take his eyes off his phone, waiting to hear the familiar ' ding! ' of a notification.

 **hajime:** Movie?

 **hajime:** Though if you don't wanna do that, we can totally do something else. I don't mind.

This time, Souda couldn't wait to respond.

 **souda:** a movie sounds great!!

 **souda:** what time?

 **hajime:** How about 7?

 **souda:** hell yeah

 **souda:** i'll see you there?

 **hajime:** Yep. Can't wait. 

He couldn't believe it. This all felt surreal, and Souda was a bit scared that he'd wake up because it felt too unreal, like it was a very very good dream.

For the first time in months, he was going to hang out with Hajime Hinata, and he felt great.

Could this be considered a date? No - no, it was just two guys, hanging out, at a movie, catching up because they have both been too busy with their own lives to talk to each other. That was all it was. Nothing else.

He shoved his phone into the pocket of his jumper, going to his room to go pick out clothes for Thursday.

This was going to be great. He knew it would be.

\-------

Thursday came by slowly due to how much Souda was excited for it. 

However, the closer Thursday came, the more that excitement dissipated into nervousness. What if, by chance, he said something weird? Or said the wrong thing? What if someone had told Hajime about his feelings, and Hajime was just meeting up with him to make fun of him for it?

Eventually, it was Thursday.

The entire day, Souda was nervous. He looked for a message from Hajime - perhaps he would cancel this, and they could carry on with their normal lives, never speaking again. But, that message never came.

Until there was a ding from his phone at 5, and his heart nearly jumped out of his chest.

 **hajime:** Hey!

 **hajime:** Just checking in, to make sure you remembered that we're going to see a movie today.

 **souda:** yeah, i remember

 **hajime:** Good.

 **hajime:** We're still on, right?

 **souda:** of course :P

 **souda:** no backing out now!

No backing out now.

There really is no backing out of this now, is there? He's stuck, he's going to go hang out with Hajime, he couldn't cancel now. It was too late.

At 6:00, Souda threw on his clothes and at 6:15, he left the house. Soon enough, he was at the theater, standing in the lobby, trying to find Hajime.

Yet, Hajime wasn't there. He was nowhere to be seen. Had he already gone in? But, he didn't ever mention what movie they were seeing, so how did he expect Souda to know where he was supposed to go? Did he ditch him? Was he getting stood up? 

So many thoughts suddenly ran through his head, until he heard a voice behind him, startling him out of his thinking.

"I didn't expect you to be here before me."

Souda turned around and, lo and behold, there he was. Hajime Hinata. He was smiling at him, and Souda could've sworn he fell in love again.

Shit, no! No falling in love, you bastard! 

"Shit, you scared the hell out of me, man! I was just lookin' for you," Souda laughs. 

They get inside the theater for the movie - he let Hajime pick it out, and he wasn't really paying attention to what exactly it was because he couldn't focus on anything at all, not whenever he was finally with Hajime again for the first time in a long, long time. It was like they were hanging out with each other in high school again, only ... it felt much more different.

Hajime decides they should get a bucket of popcorn to share, because it'll be cheaper, and they can split the money on it. Souda agrees, and they get that and their respective drinks. Souda gets a coke, while Hajime just gets water. Souda is tempted to bug him for being so plain, but decides not to.

They make it into the theater and, for the most part, it's relatively empty. Trailers for other movies coming out are playing on the screen, the lights dim. They pick out their seats, and watch the trailers. It's silent between them - something that makes Souda uncomfortable because what is he supposed to say?

"So ... ehm," he starts, catching Hajime's attention. "How're things with Chiaki?" The question comes out quick, before he can think about it. Mentally, he punches himself for asking about the last thing he wants to hear about.

"Oh," Hajime laughs, glancing off awkwardly. That makes Souda raise a brow. "We aren't dating anymore, actually."

"Really?" Souda asks, his heart skipping a beat. He wants to break out into a cheer. Maybe do a victory dance. He knows he shouldn't be happy, especially over something like that, but he can't deny how he feels about it either.

Hajime takes a moment to answer, like he's considering whether or not to tell him about it. "Yeah, we decided it was just better if we were friends. We still hang out every now and then. I like how things are between us now, we weren't really too compatible dating," he chuckles again. Souda's heart is soaring.

"Have you thought about dating anyone else?"

Blink. Blink.

"No, no, not really..." Hajime waves his hand dismissively, an awkward little grin on his face, "I... haven't really had any interest in anyone. I think I've given up on girls."

Eh? Has he given up completely? The words leave Souda's mouth quickly; "What about guys?"

Things go silent. Oh dear god, no, no, he's ruined it, hasn't he? His heart drops, Hajime is gonna think he's weird, Hajime is gonna hate him, isn't he?

"I don't know. I've never tried dating a guy. I'm not against it, though."  
.  
.  
.  
No fucking way.

"Y-You would date a guy?" Souda can't feign any emotions right now, there's no hiding his surprise. He's way too surprised. All this time, he thought Hajime Hinata was straight, completely and utterly straight. Come to think about it, though, Hajime never talked too much on his personal preferences.

"Yeah," Hajime shrugged. "I guess. If I liked him enough." The lights darken in the movie theater. It's beginning.

"Movie's starting now," Hajime says, grinning as he turns to face the screen. Souda isn't watching what's on the screen, though.

The movie feels like it lasts a lifetime. There's no way for Souda to pay any ounce of attention to it, he can't with the information he was just given. Occasionally, he'll glance over at Hajime, whose green eyes are glued to the screen as if it's the most interesting thing he had ever seen. He feels slightly jealous of a movie.

Eventually, it ends - they throw away the bucket and drinks, and head out to the lobby. Hajime looks at him, giving him the sweetest damn grin he's ever seen.

"That was fun," he hums, "I've missed this."

Souda feels his heart skip a beat. He realizes this may be his only chance.

"Hajime - "

But, before he could say what he wanted to, he was cut off by Hajime. 

"I'm gonna come out and say this, and if it's weird to you, then... we can forget all about it."

A brief pause, as if Hajime was contemplating something. Souda, on the other hand, was beyond curious about what he had to say.

"I like you. A lot. I mean - more, than a friend."

There's a pregnant pause. It takes Souda a moment to process exactly what Hajime had said, but the moment it clicked, it was pure, warm liquid happiness running through his body. He was certainly grinning like an idiot, but holy shit, he had every damn right to be happy.

"...Souda?"

Right. No time to be happy, Hajime is right there.

"I-I like you too! I mean, I have, for so long, and I-I - I always thought you were straight, or y'might think it's weird, or -"

He's cut off again, by Hajime suddenly hugging him. Warmth spreads across his chest, and he hugs him back tightly. He can't stop smiling at all.

Hajime pulls back from the hug, but cups his cheek. A warm smile of his own is on his face; such a kind, safe expression that Souda can't help but get lost in. There's an overwhelmingly joyous feeling surging through him, and he's aware it's the happiest he's been in a long, long time. 

"...Let's get out of here, yeah?" Hajime asks, taking his hand off Souda's cheek. Though Souda misses the warmth, he nods - then, Hajime extends his hand, offering it to hold - which surprises Souda in spite of them just having confessed feelings for one another.

He forces himself to suppress any nervousness and take Hajime's hand. Hajime intertwines their fingers. 

Souda knows, as they exit the theater, that from there on out, things would start to look up for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yey :)


End file.
